SOME OF THE
ADOPTION FEARS, FANTASIES, AND MYTHS ARE PRESENTED BELOW, ALONG
WITH THE REALITIES:
MYTH:
Since abortions became legal and single parentage is more acceptable,
there are fewer children available for adoption.
REALITY:
Although not a blessing to society, as a whole there presently
exists a sexual revolution which has caused an epidemic of out-of-wedlock
pregnancies. There is an excess of one million teenage pregnancies
annually in the United States. The United States ranks #1 worldwide
in out-of-wedlock pregnancies. This creates a situation with many
children available for adoption.
MYTH: Adoptions are very expensive.
REALITY:
Adoption costs vary depending on the type of adoption (i.e., agency,
foreign, independent, etc.) and the circumstances (i.e. distant
travel required, does the birthmother have health insurance, etc.).
Regardless of the type or circumstances of an adoption, the courts
scrutinize the expenses to make certain that nothing unusual or
exorbitant is paid. Some agencies may charge within a range of
$30,000. An independent adoption may range between $11,000 and
$14,000. If a birthparent is covered by insurance or public assistance,
the cost may be cut in half.
MYTH:
You must wait many years to adopt a baby.
REALITY:
It has been found that persons seeking to adopt, who make
a reasonable effort in pursuing an adoption will have a baby in
their arms within 9 to 18 months. Although not normal or abnormal,
it is not unusual for those seeking to adopt to be successful
within a much shorter period of time.
MYTH: The only way to adopt is through an agency.
REALITY:
Legally, one may adopt through a government agency (social services),
a private agency, or do a private, independent adoption. To deal
with an agency in New York State, the agency must have been approved
by the State. Private independent adoptions are perfectly legal
but like any adoption, must conform with all legal requirements.
MYTH:
You must be under 40 years old to adopt.
REALITY:
There is no legal age limit for adopting. Everyone who seeks to
adopt will be reviewed in accordance with the certification requirements
of the Court. Some agencies do place many age and other restrictions
on prospective adoptive parents, but adults of any age may pursue
independent adoptions.
MYTH:
Independent adoption (private adoption through advertisements)
does not protect a child.
REALITY:
New York State requires all individuals seeking to adopt a child
to be pre-approved by the courts. This "Certification"
includes a homestudy, child abuse clearance and criminal record
check prior to the adoption, and a follow-up homestudy before
the adoption is finalized. This requirement was brought into being
as a result of the infamous “Steinberg” case so that
all parties in the adoption process are protected.
MYTH:
Only couples may adopt.
REALITY:
The law in New York and many other states permits unmarried
adults to adopt. Consistent with the changes in society, there
is an increase in the number of single parent adoptions.
MYTH: Adopted children are better off if they
are not told that they were adopted.
REALITY:
It is always dangerous to live a lie. Adoption is no different.
It is advisable that parents introduce the word "adoption"
to their babies as soon as they bring them home. The story of
their adoption should be told to them “age appropriate”
time. This process familiarizes the child with the word and circumstances
of adoption. As the child matures and comprehends more complex
concepts, additional, age appropriate information may be furnished.
FEAR: Birthmothers
change their mind.
REALITY:
We
find this is a common fear enveloping many individuals contemplating
the thought of adoption. In fact, while a small percentage of
birthmothers may change their mind prior to the birth and/or placement
of the child, very few birthparents change their mind after the
child is placed with the adoptive parent(s). It is, unfortunately,
a tendency for people to look at the negative and not the positive.
Although many will focus on the one or two cases over the years
that have been publicized, few people pay any attention to the
thousands and thousands of adoptions that take place without any
problems.
Every State in the Union has it’s own laws relating to adoption.
New York State ranks close to the highest being a pro adoption
state while at the same time protecting the interests of all the
parties to the triad of adoption. However, in New York State,
the focus of adoption is to serve the best interests of the child
and to create a permanency in the adoptive home. In New York State,
birthparents lose superior right to the child immediately upon
signing the adoption consent and the relinquishment of the child.
There is no automatic right to regain custody not even after one
day.
FEAR: You cannot get enough medical information
regarding the birthparent(s) and the child
REALITY:
Whereas in international adoption
it may be difficult to obtain pure medical information and certainly
there is no genetic information that will be forthcoming, in domestic
adoption it is mandatory to obtain health and genetic information
which is furnished to the adoptive parent(s) and is available
to the child as the child goes through life.
Information is obtained from the birthparents
and the medical providers of services, and the child is thoroughly
examined and evaluated at the time of birth.
MYTH:
Adopted children experience emotional problems.
REALITY:
While it is true that an adopted child must deal with the issue
of his/her adoption, it does NOT follow that this results in more
emotional problems than the biological child. We all know children
and adults who were adopted and they are normal, well-adjusted
individuals.
“Dream
your dream, focus your intention and take each step to make it
real.”
--Stephen C. Paul
